Why don’t you stay…


There’s a song by Sugarland called “Stay” it is about a woman who is having an affair with a married man. And she wants him to stay. Essentially she is asking him to leave his wife and be with her. It’s like you can hear her saying “Just be with me, love me, chose me, pick me.” It’s funny because things like that are in the media more than we could ever realize. I mean I didn’t even realize it until recently. There’s a minor character in the movie When Harry Met Sally that is always complaining that her lover will never leave his wife, or at least he claims he will. I mean it is EVERYWHERE. Men cheating on their wives. And more often than note, the mistress is supposed to be some brave deep character who we’re rooting for.

I know that I hold very little sacred these days. And I don’t know just how much faith I actually have in marriage. But I do know this. When the time comes, that’s it, I’m done. And I’ll expect him to be done too. So the idea that someone would have sex with another person even though they’re married baffles me. It’s funny people always seem to have excuses for it too. “Oh he doesn’t really love her.” then why did he MARRY her. “Oh it’s different with him.” yeah he’ll go home to his wife when it’s all done.

I’ll say this. And I’m not proud of it… Recently I was hit on by a guy. He was attractive, so I flirted back. No big deal. I saw him on the street a few days in a row. Eventually I even gave him my number, not thinking anything about it. All was well and good until I started asking the basic questions. I happened to notice a ring on his left hand and I inquired about it, not sure what I was expecting to hear. Maybe he’s going through a divorce? I mean who isn’t these days. The answer I got from him blew me away completely. “Oh yeah. My wife gave that to me” His wife?!?!? Suddenly I just felt stupid. Clearly I had misunderstood all the signals I thought I was getting. Eh not the first time. Oh well. “So do you want to do something tomorrow?” Or not. I told him I was busy and went on about my day. Walking back to my car, I couldn’t wait to get in. Shutting the door, I started screaming at the top of my lungs at no in particular. It was pretty much me saying “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WTIH ME?!?!” I was disgusted that I had been hit on by a married man, and even more disgusted that I’d flirted back. It was literally like hitting rock bottom. I couldn’t believe I had almost become THAT girl.

All my friends comforted me by saying “You didn’t know. And you didn’t do anything so you’re fine. ” But I was still disgusted. I think my favorite piece of advice came from my friend Berkley. “Okay. Here’s what you need to do. Pull you’re car over to the side of the road” I’m not in a car? “And pull into the empty parking lot of life, and just sit there.” ah a metaphor.  It took two days and a good run to get the disgust out of my system. But I thank God that I never became THAT woman. And I plan to never ever be THAT woman.

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2 thoughts on “Why don’t you stay…

  1. I am so with you. At least – and this is not in his defense – he said it was from his wife instead of lying about that.

    You are worth more than a married man.

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