The Fear


I want to be rich, and I want LOTS of money, I don’t care about clever and I DON’T care about funny. I want lots of clothes and f***k loads of diamons… well said Lilly Allen

I’ve started running recently. And I don’t mean “oh look at me I ran a 5k” I mean I did, but I hardly think that’s REALLY running. Okay sorry, that was slightly pretentious and douchey. If you’re just running 5k’s that’s great. Good for you. Really. Well I’ve done two 5k’s (with some walking included). Originally my mother asked me if I wanted to do a 5k in December a few weeks after I had started running (I couldn’t believe it when I completed a mile on December 10th), I figured it would be good to just get the first one out of the way. So I did my first 5k with mother in toe. It was kind of awesome. I had done my first 5k. Well I was planning on a second one in February with the same local YMCA, until I got an email. My cousin George and his fiance Erica had sent me an email to ask if I would be interested in doing a 5k with them at the lake. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with doing a 5k with my mother, but this just sounded like something fun and different. So I told them to count me in. Also it was for the Special Olympics, so why not help out a good cause. So I go to the lake the day before the race to hang out with the George and Erica. I don’t remember where Erica was at the time, but George told me he was going to run a half marathon in June. I thought he was crazy and told him rightfully so. As far as I know George has never exactly been a runner. And I mean you don’t just DO a half marathon, you run for a year, then decide to spend months training for a half. But he told me he was going to do it anyway. Well… fast forward to the next night post 5k and everything else and Erica has me convinced that I too can run a half marathon. The training didn’t start for another week. I told her I’d give it a try. Then after two weeks of training I’d make my official decision. Well… training started Monday. It had me run two miles on Monday and Tuesday and three miles on Wednesday. I was scared shitless of my three mile run on Wednesday. I mean I’ve never run three miles. Ever. Hell. Even on the 5k I walked a little bit (both of them were REALLY hilly courses). So all of Wednesday my friends had to hear about how unsure I was as to whether or not I could make it through the three miles. Just the same though I jumped on the treadmill and even though it was hard, I did it. Because I’m a runner (I think…)

So I told you that story to tell you this story. lol. Doing the three miles was weird. It was uncomfortable. It was something I’d never experienced so I wasn’t sure what it would be like, or even how would it feel. What does three miles look like? Will it fit on me? How will I feel if it doesn’t happen? And all of this has made me realize how many things I keep myself from doing. Simply out of fear.

(On a side note I’ve done mean things for the exact same reason. Because I was afraid. And it’s my belief often time that the only way out is through)

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