Various shades of grey


July 8th, 2011

The movies make everything look so easy. Boy and girl meet. Boy and girl decide they like each other. They like being around the other person. So naturally they end up together. I mean that just makes sense. Doesn’t it. Now if only movie logic applied to real life.

I think its easy for people to forget that movies are written by people. And these people write stories on how they wish things actually happened. More often than not its not how it actually happens. “Let’s write about that one time when…. And then just change the ending so it ends this way instead of that.” Ugh.

I have a cardinal rule for myself. Never stay somewhere for a guy. Never let a guy keep you from moving on with your own life. And never ever break that rule. You’re worth more than that… That rule sounds so simple on paper it really does. Every time I leave somewhere there’s always a guy where things could have maybe happened. And now isn’t any different. I’m fresh out of college, and I told a person when I first met them that I am leaving before I get a chance to think that maybe I shouldn’t. And now, three months later, and a few failed attempts to leave, I’m still here. And I like this boy a little bit more.

And it’s complicated. Something else I feel like movies tend to avoid. How complicated things can be. We started hanging out the day after we met. And now two months later, we’re finally making our way out into the public. I thought the first outing would give me an idea as to whether or not things were going somewhere. Well it didn’t I’m more confused now I think.

We agreed to dinner and a movie. Except we went to the movie first. I always let the man go up to the box office first to see if he’s going to pay for my ticket… he didn’t. Right off I was peeved and realized this wasn’t anything, he and I, I mean. Well then the small small town America that I happen to live in wasn’t accepting credit cards so he ended up paying for it anyway. And then he did get dinner. Well… at first I was like what the hell. But it’s never the big moments that make things so worth it, it’s the little moments. They way he looked over at me during the movie, and I’d look at him and he’d just smile. The way he grabbed my hand for a moment in the car. The way that he and I both wish we lived closer to the other (we’re an hour apart). I told him I like seeing him. He responded with “Me too 🙂 “

I don’t know what to think about any of this. Do I pursue it? Do I leave it be and let it be? I wish I could know what do here? I wish I knew at what point I should tell him that I could honestly be interested in seeing where he and I could go… outside of the bedroom.

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